Now however, this sibling language thing is getting in the way of having play dates with other little German-speakers. My friend and her daughter were over the other day, people both S and O have spoken with in German in the past, in O’s case only a little bit ago even. The Husband was upstairs working and had the door closed, so really, we could have conducted the little visit entirely in German.
But somehow my kids had a hard time getting there. While they spoke German with me and my friend, they found it more difficult with her daughter. And not because the kid has a hard time with German, oh no, just because S and O’s language when they are together – and when they play - is English.
Numerous reminders of “Sprecht doch mal bitte Deutsch mit M!!” worked, but it looks as though play dates with their little German friends are no longer as easy (language-wise) as they used to be.
It’s interesting to observe, but also unsettling. I know English is their language and I’m
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This post is part of the Raising Bilingual Kids Carnival, hosted by Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
13 comments:
The moms of older kids at French playgroup report the same phenomenon--that when their kids, who willingly speak French at home, get together for playdates at each other's homes, the kids choose to speak English with each other instead.
Not that this is any consolation to you! It must be so disappointing. I'm sure we'll be there soon too. (Griffin still prefers to play by himself, so it's too early to tell what he'll say on playdates.)
This is also what I see at my daughter's francophone school: children speaking English to each other in the halls and in the schoolyard. However, when asked in a survey what Francophone students thought they were a) Anglophone b) Francophone or c) Bilingual, 60% said they identified themselves as c) Bilingual. How they view language as shaping their sense of identity is probably more important than the language they choose to speak in a given circumstance. At least, this is what gives me comfort when she chooses to speak English instead of French to people! :D
Hi Sarah and Genevieve,
thanks for commiserating :) It's nice to know I'm not the only one....
What I should have made a little clearer is that the kids seem to be okay to speak German with others (including kids) as long as the other Punk isn't around. It's only, at least for now, when the two of them are together that they try to get away with English amongst other little German-speakers.
It'll be interesting to see what happens when Oma returns for a visit later this year. Last time they went with all German all the time, so we'll see how it goes this time around.
Worth persevering though? With the two of them, I mean. With any luck it could tip them back over into using German with each other again.
I'm lucky at the moment in that my son has access to kids who genuinely don't speak much English. Of course, they don't speak much Russian either, and unfortunately, all of them are on the cusp of starting nursery, which will be the tipping point I suppose.
I must say, non English speaking relatives of any age are an absolute godsend.
I saw this and I thought of you. I thought it was reassuring to know that this sort of behaviour is natural and doesn't necessarily represent a backing away from either language.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/life-bilingual/201102/the-person-language-bond
Thanks for your comments and the link, Solnushka - no worries, I'm not giving up (Punk 1 comes by her stubbornness honestly, you know.....).
I'm quite sure I have the person-language-bond with each of them in German (though I have my doubts with Punk 1 every once in a while), but I think amongst themselves, they have it in English. Or at the very least it's much thicker, like maybe the size of a large tree trunk, than the frazzled, dinky strand they have in German.
Good luck with the Star and the Comet - with any luck, you'll have them steal each other's toys in no time, all the while shouting at each other in Russian! Something to look forward to, is it not?
I think that changing location would help, if they are at home why should they change behaviour just because other people are around? On the other side, if you'd meet somewhere neutral, where everybody speaks only German, the pressure to conform would be higher, of course that implies quite a logistical burden...
L.
Thanks L!
I hadn't thought of the location angle just yet - but now that you've mentioned it, it's quite possible it has something to do with it as well. I suspect they'll still prefer speaking English to each other, but maybe German will come a little easier elsewhere. I guess we'll see next time we'll have a playdate someplace else :)
I can definitely hear your disappointment, too, and appreciate both your 'realism' and your desire to create something different. It's a fine line, huh?!
Our daughter is still too young to play with other kids much, but I've noticed the same thing that other moms have, too, when we're at her playgroup with the older kids...they all speak English with each other, the language of our community. Even the kids that speak exclusively German with their parents...
To me, it's all about that line...accepting what is, while simultaneously creating the possibility for something 'bigger'. I'll be out here doin' the same thing along with ya!
Thanks for sharing...(did you read that interview of the Italian-speaking Dad? I was totally inspired by it in the Carnival!) http://bilinguepergioco.com/2011/01/18/douglas-hofstadter-la-mia-famiglia-bilingue/
I understand so much ! We live in Quebec and try to raise our daughter in English / French. With us, she speaks fluently English, but as soon as someone else talks to her, even if it's in English, she'll reply in French. I would like so much to see her speak English with someone else... You are lucky to have playgroup... I am searching for one year now other english speaking kids and I don't find some...
ah.... i've had the same problem! the trick is to find friends who speak only german! if the children know the friends speak english too, then their motivation to speak in the target language goes way down and it's just so much easier to speak in english. also, believe it or not, if the moms are speaking in the target language, even if the children are not, they are still absorbing language. i often hear my children repeat things in the target language that i said with my play date mom friend and am surprised because i thought they were not listening! one last thing, often you need to organize an activity or a small game to get all the children excited about the language! and even if they go back to english after that, rest assured that at least the game was in german! (or song, or story, use your imagination, make it FUN for them!)
Oooh, good idea. I have started taking games and puzzles to French storytime to add variety to the toys in the room where we meet. The other kids (or at least some of them) tend to be drawn to the new toy, so they do the puzzle or play the game with Griffin, and as I help I "coach" them to speak French with each other (mostly by asking lots of questions about what's going on and what pictures they see).
Thanks Busy, great idea! In a larger group, that's probably exactly what we would have done - and so far I've always gotten away with leaving Punk 1 in charge of the proceedings and they all would have spoken German. No more it seems, so for next time, we may have to be a bit more pro-active. Thanks for the suggestion!
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