So the kids are back to mainly speaking English to each other. It is not all that surprising, really, but I was still holding out hope that they wouldn’t.
But it’s happened. And not because of Punk 2 – he has figured out what language goes with whom again but would be happy to continue speaking German with Punk 1. It’s Punk 1, the stubborn little donkey, who’s got other ideas. Not surprisingly.
The novelty of having her little brother speak German has definitely worn off, and so she is no longer amused by it or proud of his efforts the way she was back when this started. She is now speaking mainly English with him, even when he addresses her in German first. Sometimes she only remembers to speak English after a couple of exchanges in German, but usually she’s right on the ball with it and immediately uses English which, in turn, switches him to English.
I guess it’s normal and to be expected.
It’s the more common language for both of them, and it’s what they speak to each other in daycare. It’s our family language, for crying out loud. And I know from my own experience that it can be pretty odd to use a language with someone you normally speak with in another. So I do understand.
It's just that I’d love for them to speak German to each other just so there’s someone else with whom they can speak it and to give them some more exposure and opportunity to practice. Plus, it’s adorable and I love hearing them do it.
But I’m okay with them speaking English amongst themselves, have to be really since I wouldn’t want them to speak to each other in some language their little daycare friends couldn’t understand. What I’m less okay with is when it’s only the three of us and she still speaks to him in English. Sometimes even just to repeat what I’ve just said to him in German (even though he understood me the first time around).
This drives me bonkers and I don’t quite get it. Is it because she’s so used to speaking to him in English or is it because she is a stubborn little donkey (this cannot be repeated often enough) who occasionally says she doesn’t like speaking German and has begun once again to sneak in more English with me as well. This is why one side of me wouldn’t be surprised if she could just give up German without thinking about it twice.
And maybe (hopefully!) I’m wrong, maybe she does have a stronger emotional connection to German than I think as it is the language she uses with me most of the time, the language in which she tells me she loves me and that I’m the best mom ever. The language in which we read, play, sing and talk, the language she uses by default when talking to me.
Maybe I just have to chill out and let them speak English to each other without trying to figure out why.
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This post is part of the Raising Bilingual Kids Carnival, hosted by Speaking in Tongues.
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12 comments:
:D Oh, I really empathize with you! Having other adults speak to my two kids in French seems to counter that strong sibling language influence and I see that it's encouraging them not to totally abandon their French side. Resistance is futile, you'll win in the end, I know it!
I'm anticipating the day my kids speak Chinese to each other and use it to plot their parents' destruction. That won't happen in your case, but I'm sure it will come in handy for your kids to have a secret language between them one of these days. Until then, there are always bribes. I buy my kids treats when they handle the transactions in Mandarin; I could up the ante by requiring them to speak it to each other for at least an hour first. Hmmmm...
I dream of the day when Griffin and Unicorn will speak to each other in French! (Especially since it will probably never happen with Griffin and his older cousin.) I will continue to follow eagerly the antics and interactions of Punks 1 and 2 to see how it works for you guys!
Hi Abigail,
I like the way you think - bribery and all! Maybe I should try that :)
And you're right, my kids won't be plotting my destruction, but possibly that of The Husband/Papa - they use his inability to follow along to their own advantage all the time, so with time (and some teenage hormones) who knows where this will end :)
I've got three polyglot tots and we live in France and they are allowed to speak to each other in French when they play, fight, and so on and so forth, but where target language is enforced is with the parents (with me in spanish or english depending on the week) and all the time in french with papa. this works well for us. children will always adopt the common language because they want to be just like all the other children. playgroups are one clever way to bypass this rule, but the other children have to NOT speak the common language and ONLY the target language, otherwise they revert to the common language inevitably!!!! sigh..... good luck to you. i came in off of the language carnival. would love to have you come visit.
:-) Maybe it's also she knows what buttons to press with her brother - so he speaks to her in German, she gets him to move into English... Maybe one day it'll happen the other way round!
Very interesting! We're expecting our second, and I was wondering if I'd ever hear them speak German to each other. I haven't been holding out too much hope, but I thought maybe the novelty would work for awhile! :)
Hi Busy,
I know I know, I'm just holding out hope, that's all :)
Hi Marjorie,
I do think it has to do with pushing buttons, but more likely mine, not those of the little brother :) But I also know how much easier it is for them to speak to each other in English, given that they play together and/or with English kids all the time and have all the play vocabulary in English, just makes more sense for them this way.
But I'm still holding out hope for them to discover German as their secret language, but maybe they'll have to get a bit older for that to sink in :)
Hi Lauren,
maybe Mikko is less stubborn about it all and it will all work out - good luck either way! And hey, I'd love for you to update how Mikko's German is coming along (nudge nudge).
I can't talk from personal experience, and I didn't dare writing this on Sarah's blog 'cause I didn't want to sound pessimistic, but it looks like it is to be expected that siblings will speak the majority language among themselves... It is not a given, but highly probable...
However, I was thinking as I read... Do your kids watch cartoons, if there a chance to enforce that these come in German ONLY, may be it woud help. Not easy I know...
Ciao,
L.
Hi, I believe that what Letizia says about siblings' language of interaction is a sort of rule, with few and rare exceptions... but I want to tell u what turns out from the latest observation of my daughters while playing (4 &1/2 and 2 years old, raising bilingual Ita-Eng): they use to speak Italian most of the time but in certain games they interact only in English. this happens mostly in role playing, when the big sister pretends to be the teacher or the mum, all sorts of adults "leading" roles, so the small one follows and try to repeat all the things she says (the smallest is actually a chatterbox: she repeats all she hears, both in English and Italian!). Obviously this happened without directly asking my daughters to interact in English: the eldest one- she too stubborn as a mule!- probably would have refused. by the way I've noticed an increasingly free interaction in English between them...so far so good (til it lasts!). My compliments for this carnival, it is really great! @ Letizia: I do love blogging carnival on bilingualism and always read ;-)
Letizia--It's okay to leave pessimistic comments on my blog! I need to hear what has been true for other families.
I like the thought of siblings using the minority language in role play games where it would be appropriate for the situation--how cool that they can be aware of the discourse and the contexts!
Busy Bee is correct in pointing out that minority language playgroups will help, as "peer pressure" encourages all the kids to speak the same language. I see that with Griffin at French storytime and French playgroup.
Anyway, like Smashedpea, I too hold out hope!
I think, if you don't mind, that I will not mention your post to my husband. He already finds it horrifying enough that the kids at our local Russian language centre speak to each other in English outside the classrooms. If he thought his kids might, I think we would have a heart attack.
Still, if they are anything like my husband and I they will find it useful occasionally to be able to drop into their minority language - if only to make observatins that perhaps they shouldn't about their fellow man...
Good luck!
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