Help Me: My Child is too Darn Stubborn

Things have been quiet around here, I know, but I’m still here. Things are going pretty well – the kids continue to speak German with me and other adults they know are German. Punk 2 speaks German to his German friends, even the younger ones that are still more prone to mixing, and has asked to learn how to read and write German. Punk 2 frequently speaks English with other German kids, but is quite eager to meet up with them. Sibling language continues to be English, though sometimes there is also room for German.

We’ve been coasting along happily for a while (which is probably why I haven’t had much to say lately), but Punk 1’s stubborn nature is once again getting the better of her. But rather than just rant about it, I would like to throw it out there in case any of you have any thoughts on the matter, or advice for us.

Yes?

So here it is: we made a deal at the beginning of the school year that Punk 1 could skip GermanSaturday School for grade 1, if, and only if, she agreed to work on reading and writing German with me at home. And by working I don’t mean grammar drills and the like, rather games and work sheets she loves doing. Home-made crossword puzzles, games of hangman, reading her beginning reader books together, etc. She agreed quite eagerly, and we thought all was well. Except that we never really practiced. We kind of forgot or were busy with other things, but occasionally she read or wrote a word or sentence or two, and of course we continued to speak German together.

Over the last couple of months, I have made much more of an effort to try to get her into something, like the German kiddie magazine I have subscribed her to, and I've also had Santa bring some new grade 1 work books (she loves work books, seriously!). Both were a big hit – but just not enough to really get her going (we’ve only read a couple of stories in one of the magazines and done the games; she’s only done a couple of the work sheets in the work book even though she continues to say she has fun with them).

And more recently she’s begun to pretty much outright refuse (sound familiar?) to even try to read or write German, even though she’s fully capable when she’s in the mood. She totally dug her heels in the other night over dinner when in conversation with Punk 2 the question around how to spell Kuh (cow) and Muh (moo) came up. She went so far as claiming that she couldn’t even hear the first sound in 'Muh', even though she had just spelled 'moo' without a problem and both words sound pretty much the same.

She has been stubborn from day one, and not just with using German. That’s how she rolls. Which is fine, ‘cause she’s getting it from both The Husband and me – but from the outside, I can see her standing in her own way again, for no particular reason other than that she’s decided to rather not do it. And I get it, reading and writing is not all that necessary in her everyday life, but what do we do?

Try harder? Leave her alone, trusting that she will eventually want to learn it and be able to pick it up later since it’s such a phonetic language? Sign her up for German Saturday School again, even though it's for second language learners and she'd have kids in her class that won't be able to speak much? Try out the heritage language classes through the school board? Try to get together with friends and hire someone to teach all of our kids reading and writing (my favourite option, just that the only people I know who are interested in this kind of thing have kids that are younger than my two)?

I can see how option 2 might have better results with someone as stubborn as her (yes, I have been there many times myself), but what if it doesn’t? I’m not ready to consider the possibility the kids won’t be able to read and write German.

Any thoughts anyone?

What would you do? 

Shhhh!

Don't tell anyone, but I'm still here. Busy with things, trying to get ready for Christmas and with a couple of posts swirling around my head that I can't seem to get out. Harrumpf.

So in the meantime, make yourself comfortable, grab your favourite holiday treat, and enjoy the latest edition of the Blogging on Bilingualism Carnival, this time hosted over at Tales from Windmill Fields, all centred on how families raising bilingual kids celebrate the holidays while honouring their different holiday traditions. 

If that doesn't put you in the mood, then what will?

Here's my own contribution, an old post sorry - but at least on topic with a rundown on we celebrate a German-Canadian Christmas.

***Thanks Rosalind, for hosting! If you'd like to keep up to date with future carnivals, host one, or submit a post, why not join our mailing list? You can also access all past editions of the Carnival on my Resources Page!  

Not At All Spooky

The latest edition of the Raising Bilingual Children Carnival is now live over at "Verbosity leads to inarticulate, unclear things". Go check it out - as usual, you'll find a good bunch of helpful and inspiring articles from others in the same boat!


***Thanks Solnushka, for hosting! If you'd like to keep up to date with future carnivals, host one, or submit a post, why not join our mailing list? You can also access all past editions of the Carnival on my Resources Page!

No Frills Guide to Raising Bilingual Kids

Do:

• Make yourself knowledgeable about childhood bilingualism.
• Match your method to your goals.
• Be persistent.
• Be patient.
• Believe in long term gains.
• Know your child. If necessary, adapt whatever method you’re using to meet the child’s needs.
• Compliment/celebrate their little and big successes along the way.
• Surround them with resources in the target language (music, books, DVDs, on-line resources – don’t forget to check whether your library has a collection or can get things for you through interlibrary loans; try Craig’s List, Freecycle, etc.; exchange with your bilingual friends).
• Get your kid(s) together with other kids who also speak the target language.
• Think about how flexible you can be with the minority language when discussing things that might be too difficult for the child (e.g., lacking vocabulary, emotions running wild).
• Expect responses in the target language, unless you are happy with your child understanding the language only.
• Remember that no one has ever regretted knowing more than one language.

Don't:

• Despair.
• Correct every mistake the kid makes in his or her minority language.
• Assume that what works for one child works for another.
• Punish the child for not speaking the minority language.
• Expect perfection.
• Turn it into a struggle.
• Ignore the kid’s questions and comments about why they are expected to speak the target language, dislike speaking it, etc.
• Make fun of the kid for trying.
• Let them get away without trying too often.
• Give up.

Laying Low

My apologies for the lack of action around here these days. I’m still here.

We’re into our new routines where Punk 1 attends a new daycare and is finally in school all day, something she’s been waiting for since she was two years old, and where Punk 2 has started Junior Kindergarten and continues to go to the daycare both Punks have been attending together. It took a little while for everyone to get used to this new arrangement, especially young Punk 2 who’s been missing going to daycare with his big sister, but we’re all good now. Having them go to different daycares makes my morning and afternoon runs a little longer and I’m not looking forward to doing this in the winter time, but all in all this is working out quite well.

We’ve been quite busy with everything, everything except our efforts as far as German goes.

Which is a bit spooky since we’re not used to that, but actually quite enjoyable when I think about it. Both kids took big steps forward in German when we first went on vacation together this past July as they had much more opportunity to hear and speak German since I was around all day long, and then again when Oma came to visit and they both spent a lot of time with her, all in German of course, since she doesn’t speak more than a few words of English. It’s hard to believe that Punk 2 really only got into German when she was here last year, and that Punk 1 used to find it exhausting having to speak German for full days. Of course they are both older now, but I think it also has become easier because we are so much more in the swing of it than we were back in the days when Punk 1 still refused to speak German and Punk 2 insisted in mixing to his heart’s content. Things always seemed to be more of a struggle back then, if only because I constantly had to justify to Punk 1 why we were speaking German. And as entertaining as Punk 2’s mixing was, at times it was also frustrating since we didn’t know how this was going to turn out. So having them speak German so effortlessly and making such big improvements so easily has been really nice to see, or rather hear.

It looks as though speaking German is so normal and maybe even natural for them now that they just do it. We haven’t had any big ups and downs for a while now, and both of them speak German to me pretty much exclusively, regardless of where we are or who else is around. Even when I find myself being polite and speaking English to them because we’re at my in-laws, for example, they look at me funny and continue speaking German with me. Good for them – I’m still working on this part of it. The only thing I’m really watching with both of them is mixing and switching as this continues to get out of hand rather quickly if I let them get away with it.

Punk 1 will now often speak English when she’s speaking to both me and The Husband – normal behavior for a bilingual, I know, yet a change for her in that she used to repeat things in the other language before. She still speaks English with Punk 2 and during self-play, but I also overheard her this morning giving herself instructions in German. She hasn’t questioned why she speaks German with me in a while now, she just does. English continues to be her strongest language, and she’s well on her way to getting used to speaking French in school. Outside of me leaving her notes every once in a while in her lunch bag, in German of course, we haven’t done anything to make sure she stays on track with her German reading and writing – so this is one thing I will pick up with her. We have talked about it and she is not opposed to it, we just have to get into some sort of routine and do it. She is also asking a lot of questions these days about German vocabulary, either English words she doesn't know in German, or German words I use that she doens't understand. This is all good, and without meaning to brag I'm quite excited about her progress. She much more so than Punk 2 has questioned our whole family language arrangement, has been unwilling to speak German at times, and struggled with using it as she noticed her German is not entirely perfect. I'm pretty much tickled pink with her right now, and hope this will last - if not get better from here on in :)

Punk 2 is still willing to speak German with just about anyone, but knows to use English when spoken to in English. He’s enjoying going to school and is beginning to ‘write’ cards and lists for himself that he then shows to us to read back to him. Unlike Punk 1, he doesn’t expect us to magically know what he’s written, but really wants to hear what he wrote and usually finds his letter combinations quite amusing (which they are, given that he’s not usually into vowels, much). The odd time he hits on a real word, but so far these have all been either names of his friends or English words.  He is more likely than Punk 1 to use German in self-play or absent-mindedly with others, but he also is much more at home in English. He’s also picking up more French from Punk 1, something that will help him next year when he starts French immersion SK. So far, I don’t recall him ever questioning me as to why we are speaking German, he just goes with the flow.

It feels really odd to say, but it appears that for the first time in a long time we can afford to relax – a bit!-  about this whole bilingualism thing. I still read mainly German books to them or translate on the fly, I set up activities with their German friends, and all that kind of thing – but speaking German seems to have become so normal now that this is just what we do, rather than something the kids, especially Punk 1, needs to be convinced is how it should be. They don't even laugh anymore when The Husband tries to speak German, they just accept it as part of it all.

So really, no news is good news!

Brief Update



First things first:

I'm still rather absent from this space, but not enough to not still be in the loop on the latest edition of the Raising Bilingual Children Carnival! There are loads of participants this month, so please go check it out over at Babelkid - Raising Multilingual Children - you are sure to find some useful information or even inspiration that might be helpful to you.

Thanks Jan, for hosting this time around!

*** And as always, if you'd like to keep up to date with future carnivals, host one, or submit a post, why not join our mailing list? You can also access all past editions of the Carnival on my Resources Page!

-----
In other news, everything is chugging along just fine. Kind of anyway.

Punk 1 is now in grade 1 French Immersion, and begging asking - temporarily we hope - whether she can to switch to the English stream for grade 2 since apparently she doesn't actually speak any French. This is very much reminiscent of how she didn't want to speak German way back when, and hopefully nothing to worry about too much. She hasn't been using French all summer, so it's not surprising she's finding it difficult to get back into it. She also says that all the other kids are in the same boat, so it's not like she's having a harder time than anyone else. Also, things likely have kicked into a higher gear compared to what she was used to in Kindergarten, and she's still adjusting. We're still monitoring how things are progressing, but according to her teacher she is doing just fine.

The little Punk is now in Junior Kindergarten, in English until he can start in French when he enters Senior Kindergarten next fall. He appears to be doing well, though going to school is not as much of a love affair for him as it was (still is, really) for Punk 1. But at least he goes quite willingly and now often comes home to play doing homework and working on computer assignments. The other day, though, he came home with a car he lifted (I know! I was shocked, too!) from school - not in a bad way though, since he didn't try to hide it and declared quite openly he only brought it home so he could take it back the next day to play with it again. He just didn't want anyone else to put it somewhere he wouldn't be able to find it. This was still a first in our house since Punk 1 would have never done anything like this - but when we talked to him, it was quite clear that he understands we cannot just take things because we want them. And he returned the car the next day and hasn't brought anything back since. Phew :)

Both kids continue to speak German with me, though once again Punk 1 is sneaking in increasingly bigger amounts of English. Apparently this is because she doesn't want to explain everything to me in German and then again to The Husband in English (and very much like any bilingual would behave, so yay for her!), but it takes away important opportunities for her to speak German, so I'm not too sure about this just yet.

Otherwise we're settling back into normal life, now that all the summer excitement - vacation! camp! staying with the in-laws for a week! having Oma visit from Germany! starting school all over again! starting a new daycare! getting lice in summer camp! - is over and we're getting used to our routine.

More to follow, 'cause I'm still here. Really, I am.

August Carnival

Sorry peeps, I know this is unexcusably late, but there was a "Raising Bilingual Kids Carnival" last month - if you have not yet come across it, do check it out over at Tongue Tales! As usual, this is where you'll find a ton of interesting posts on the topic - and if you're in luck, you'll discover a new blog to love :)

** Thanks everyone for contributing, and thank you Tye for pulling it together this time around!

And you, if you'd like to keep up to date with future carnivals, host one, or submit a post, why not join our mailing list? You can also access all past editions of the Carnival on my Resources Page!

Easy-peasy Literacy Activity

1. Keep a vacation journal with your child in your minority language to encourage writing.
2. Let your child illustrate the journal to make it more fun.
3. Encourage your child read the journal back to you, or, as in our case, to our visiting Oma who only speaks the minority language.

I did this with Punk 1 when we were at the cottage, not only to encourage her writing in the minority language, but also to give her some sort of school-like activity as she was sad (!) to be off school for the whole entire summer and couldn’t wait for grade 1 to start.

She loved writing in our journal, though as time went on and she started to forget about missing school, her entries became increasingly shorter. I never pushed her for more, since I wanted to keep it fun and not frustrate her about using her minority language. Instead, I added to her entries, so that now there is at least a short paragraph for each day.

Now Oma has arrived to babysit Punk 1 for a couple of weeks before school starts. Oma is here to have fun with the kids, of course, but part of the plan is also to engage Punk 1 in some literacy activities. So, Punk 1 can use the journal to now read to Oma what she did on her vacation, and the two of them can then talk about it as well. Punk 1 will get the practice, and Oma will be happy to hear what we did on vacation – a win-win for both.  

Punk 1's entries are a bit short on the details, but it was such good practice for her. She obviously enjoyed keeping this journal, and often woke up in the mornings eager to write her entry for the past day. I’m pretty sure that she would have written more had the weather not been as perfect as it was, and we would have stayed inside more. But we usually went out after breakfast and didn’t come back for any sort of inside activity until bed time, so there wasn’t a lot of time for reading and writing.

But the main thing is that she had fun doing this and never even noticed that she was learning and practicing things!

Maybe you have to know German to really appreciate her writing, but here are some examples:

[Punk 2] hat Gaburtstag. Das Mann hat gans laut gerülpst. Bläh!
[It’s Punk 2’s barthday. The (she used the wrong article) man burped veri loudly. Blech!]

[Mama’s Freundin A] hat gekommn. Und wir waren im Kanu.
[Mama’s  friend A is cme. And we were in the canoe.]

Wir waren in Gatineau Park. Wir waren alle schwimmen.
[We went to Gatineau Park. We all went swimming.]

Budding Biliteracy

Punk 1, six years old now, has been working away at her literacy skills, at least in the formal sense since we of course laid the groundwork at home, for the last couple of years through school (Junior and Senior Kindergarten = 2.5 hrs/day, starting at age four). It is there that she learned to identify all letters and accompanying sounds, and it is there that she started to read. She had been waiting to finally start school since she was two, she was self-motivated when she finally got there, and clearly expressed an interest in reading and writing. All we had to do at home was support her by helping her sound out words, spelling words to her so she could write them, and eventually letting her read to us.

At first, all her reading was in English, though when she asked me to help her, our conversations around it were in German. I spelled English words to her using the German alphabet, and she read the words back to me in English. Oftentimes, she then translated the word into German and asked for help writing that as well. Or she tried to sound out English words, and asked me, in German, for help when she ran into trouble. It may sound confusing, but it really wasn’t – she knew to speak German to me (yay OPOL!), and it was quite natural for us to use German to talk about these English words. It also really helped her learn the German alphabet – she knew it through the ABC-song, of course, but this way her knowledge of the individual letters became much stronger.

Since biliteracy had always been part of the plan, it only made sense to see whether she was able to do in German what she was doing in English. Initially, she was a bit reluctant to try, but her curiosity (or competitive streak?) quickly got the better of her and she tried. And to our amazement, as well as hers, we realized that pretty much everything she had learned in school in English had transferred into German so that she was able to read and write German almost as well as English. She stumbled a bit with some things, such as letters that don’t exist in English (Ä/ä, Ö/ö, Ü/ü, ß), and common vowel or consonant clusters (sch, ch, ei, ie, eu, etc.). But once I explained those to her, things became noticeably easier.

Reading German still seems to be a little harder for her because her German vocabulary is relatively smaller and she comes across more words she doesn’t know. However, she can – and does – read German (though she generally prefers to read in English). She even seems to love the lengthy German compound words and is keeping track of how long the words are that she has read all by herself without any help from me (she stands at 17 letters, I think, though unfortunately I can’t remember the word).

Things are about to become more interesting as she enters grade 1 this September. French literacy will become increasingly important since she will continue in French immersion, and of course we will keep up the English at home. And we will also continue with German, though outside of starting her on a subscription to a German kid’s magazine for her age group (yay for publishers which do send such magazines overseas!), we haven’t really made any plans. We are not registering her for German Saturday School this year as she is likely to be too far ahead again – instead she has promised to do a bit of ‘work’ with me at home. Mainly, we will continue doing what we’ve always been doing, and make whatever adjustments we think are necessary (based on her age, developing interests, etc.) to keep things going.

Pondering

I have noticed for a while now that young Punk 2 seems to be somehow 'better' at speaking German than Punk 1. And maybe better is not the right word – it's more that he seems to be much more comfortable with it and able to use the language in ways she cannot (does not?). It’s hard to put my finger on it since I am not a linguist and don’t have the technical background to identify what I think I am witnessing. The feeling I have is of course based on my observation, but maybe that is tainted by some subjective bias or lack of knowledge, I don’t know.

Anyway, I only notice this when he speaks German, not English. ‘Cause really, Punk 1 has two years on the little guy and it shows. Her language development is way ahead in both English and German. Her vocabulary is bigger, her grasp on grammar is better, she knows more songs and rhymes, and overall she can express herself much better. Just like it should be, given the age difference.

But what I’m hearing when they speak German is that it seems to be somehow easier for him to put his sentences together, and to use new words, or to use words he already knows in different contexts. She has more tools to use, but he seems to be able to express himself with more ease and can play around with the language easier in trying to get his point across. It’s not that his sentences are perfect (they are not) and hers are not,  or that he makes more sense than she (he doesn’t) – it’s all about subtle differences in how they use German.

My take on it is that this is because she refused to speak German for the first few years of her life, once she was past the early talking stage anyway, and he didn’t. It’s like her German has missed some sort of developmental language milestone and she now has to compensate as best she can and seemingly work a little harder.

Oma is arriving soon, and I can't wait to see if she notices this as well. But in the meantime, if you have any thoughts on this, please let's hear them!